Happy New Year to all my Hindu readers. May 2018 bless you with love, prosperity and happiness.
So what do we have in store this week?
Well it has just started snowing here and doesn’t look like it’s going to stop anytime soon :(, so what do we have to warm us up?
So what do we have in store this Valentine’s Day?…
We all know someone who has been affected by mental health issues on some level, its way more common than you think. Some people seek help by talking to friends and family or sometimes to professionals in the field. Other people seek a medicinal approach to their situation.
There is no right or wrong way to feel and no right or wrong way to live your life. If you wake up one morning and find you can’t get out of bed it’s ok, you’re not broken you just need some time to rest and find your path again.
Life can get pretty challenging at times. Not everyone is equipped to deal with life’s challenges in a positive way all of the time. Sometimes people give all of themselves to others and neglect themselves and end up running on empty.
Someone I know declared 2018 to be the year of ‘self love’ her idea was to spend a year focussing on nothing but looking after herself and filling her life with positivity and that makes a lot of sense to me. Add one small piece of happiness and positivity to every day and with each small step you move towards a happier life.
There are no short cuts. Not everyone’s road is straight to success. I’m not going to lie, life can be cruel, you can get hit from all sides and still need to get up in the morning and carry on. This might last for days, weeks or years but it will eventually get better slowly day by day. Negative feelings and periods of your life will never be permanent there will always be light that comes back to you in time and when you’re ready to see it.
You have the power to control your own destiny if you change your narrative. Don’t like your job, look for a new one. Want to change a career, look for a course to learn any new skills you need and move towards it, there are a lot of free online resources you can use to learn new skills if you do the research. Feel tired all the time, get a check up with your GP and allow yourself a cut off point at night to go to bed and sleep. Unhappy in your relationship then speak up and make changes. If there is violence involved and you’re scared ask for help, there are people out there who can help, you may need to look for them but they will be there.
I suffer with depression. I suffer with the pressure that life puts on me. I suffer with the pressure of my own expectations of what my life would be by this age compared to the reality. I feel stuck in a life I didn’t choose but that chose me by circumstance.
Sometimes there are days when it all gets too much. I try my best at everything I do but nothing is ever enough, I’m always a let down. People leave me so I’m alone all the time because there is something wrong with me. Sometimes I cry myself to sleep at night missing people and going over my mistakes to validate my feelings of inferiority until I develop insomnia which makes me feel like a zombie all day. No one is crueller to me than I am to myself in the minutes and hours where there is no noise or distraction to keep me from the negative thoughts.
But sometimes I don’t let it win. Sometimes I remember that my Cognitive Behaviour Therapy says I’m only allowed to think those thoughts for a count of 10 and then I have to change the channel. Sometimes I remember that the people I love and want to spend time with have their own lives and whilst they enjoy my company I’m not high on their lists of priorities. It doesn’t mean they aren’t my friends and don’t miss me too, it just means they’re busy and maybe meant to reply to my message or call but forgot. Sometimes the thing I spent all night obsessing over to the point of no sleep was all in my head to begin with.
I have a friend who I connected with in a way I never have with anyone else. To the point where I could feel what they were feeling. I would get a wave of sensation out of the blue and their face would pop into my head and I’d smile. Every quiet moment I think about them and wonder what they’re up to and how they are.
We used to talk almost daily and sometimes all through the day and night. We’d make each other laugh and tell each other things about our lives and be there for each other. But the last 2 years have seen us drift apart to the point where we are strangers. I know this happens, it’s happened to many of my friendships over the years. Only this one is different because we said we would always be there for each other no matter what and I believed it.
I’ve never cried myself to sleep missing a friend before but this friendship I find myself crying over a lot. They’re still the first person I want to share my news with and tell stories to but only now I write a note but don’t send it. Every now and again I send a message and I don’t get a reply, I don’t even know if it’s read anymore now the dreaded blue ticks have been turned off.
The thing I mull over is what has been said between us and the actions that contradict it every day. I don’t understand how we ended up here and why I lost my friend who said they would always be there for me no matter what. I made the mistake of falling in love with them early on and I’m aware we talked about some mutual feelings in the past that I don’t think went away but we’ve never been completely on the same page. But that shouldn’t mean our friendship has to suffer.
I really struggle with it. This person who used to say they were proud of me, built me up to be stronger than I’ve ever been, made me a better person, inspired me to reach for better things for my life and showed me care and affection I’ve never experienced before now treats me like a ghost. I don’t exist 90% of the time but the other 10% when I do exist is just like it’s always been. Two people who connect and are comfortable with each other having a laugh and being friends.
Not having them in my life for the last 2 years has made me more lonely than I’ve been in my whole life and I’ve never been someone with a lot of friends. I miss their presence in my life every single day. There is not a single day in our almost 6 years of friendship that I have not thought about them.
I’ve tried everything I can think of to move on and leave them behind but the thought of it has only ever made me feel worse. I made them a promise that I would always be here for them no matter what life threw at us and that our friendship would always pick up from where we left off no matter how much time had elapsed between meetings. That promise meant something to me and I stand by it, no matter how much I get hurt along the way. Those minutes that we spend being friends make up for all the time apart, it might not be healthy but the Hope gets me through the day.
I can’t change how someone treats me but I can change the other parts of my life I’m unhappy with. So I’ve been doing just that. Making lists and sticking to them and focussing on what I want to achieve and making small changes. I still miss them everyday but now I’m focussing on other things too and it’s getting a little easier everyday.
So there you have it, on Time to Talk day I’ve said my piece, now check out Time to Talk and see if you can make a difference today.
So what do we have in store this week…
So what do we have in store this week?
So what do we have in store this week?
If you’re going to do it then do it well, be thoughtful and be prepared!
Meeting someone who makes your heart skip a beat when you look at them and who you perceive as perfect even though you know no one is, doesn’t happen to everyone. If you find that person never let them go because that is a precious gift. But there are different kinds of love and if someone makes you happy and is there for you when times get tough that is important too. It’s always best to be honest and realistic in relationships, you might not both be on the same page but always be kind and honest about it and you might find a common ground you’re both happy with, even if it’s just good friends. No one want’s to feel like you ‘settled’ for them because a part of them will always be wondering if you’re waiting for someone better to come along and biding your time and it’s probably doomed to fail.
I know it’s a bit old, but always good to do some revision 😉