I was a ‘side chick’, (I hate that phrase) to all intents and purposes for almost a year. It wasn’t hidden from me, in fact the first conversation we had we talked about whether I was the only one, I was told I wasn’t.
I made the choice being a grown woman to enter into things with that knowledge. Would I do it again? No and here’s why.
Being the ‘side chick’ is a complete mind fuck.
I’m a reasonably confident person until it comes to relationships. I have trust issues, I don’t trust people lightly. Once I do, I trust completely and their word is always good enough.
I made the choice to trust this guy with everything I had because we were good friends, and I wanted to know what it would be like with him and if anything would ever come of it.
Now I’m not a complete idiot, I knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing. I was scared to let this guy in at first. I wanted an assurance from the start that in order to do what we did he had to be open and honest with me.
In all fairness he told me I could trust him, and I had no reason to doubt anything he’d ever told me so his word was good enough. He had no reason to lie to me, I’d told him as long as he was honest we wouldn’t have a problem.
See when you know you’re the ‘side chick’ you know there will be times he’s off with other women and if you know that you can make decisions based on that information.
Hence why honesty was so important. I didn’t want to be waiting for a reply to a message that wasn’t going to come cause he was balls deep in some other woman.
This guy basically told me on day one I was never going to be good enough for him. There was a time when me being the number one might have been an option but he wasn’t ready for a relationship and I was happy as things were.
I chose to spend time with him on that basis. I gave this guy a lot of my time and effort and yet the one thing I asked for, honesty, I didn’t always get in return.
You might ask yourself why I would put myself in that position in the first place. Why did I let it go on for almost a year of at times pure emotional torture? The answer is simple if not pathetic.
I looked for other guys but no one made me feel like he did when it was just me and him and no one else.
If there had been another guy who wanted me for his number one who made me feel anything close then I would have dropped this guy in an instant and gone back to being friends. But in all that time there just wasn’t and hasn’t been anyone else that came close.
Guys in the heat of the moment promise you anything to get what they want. A lot of it you ignore, you can’t really hold someone to something said in the heat of passion, it wouldn’t be fair.
But what about the promises you make that don’t involve sex? Those you should definitely keep. You see a promise to a girl is an important thing, we take that shit seriously. If you keep a promise we know we can trust you.
If you constantly come up with reasons why it can’t be done and keep putting it off it makes us feel like you were lying all along and that shit just gets frustrating.
You know what happens when a girl gets frustrated? You end up having problems.
Guys love to moan about girls nagging them, bragging to their friends about how many girls they have on the go and how they are such a player keeping them all in line with broken promises.
You know what? That doesn’t make you a player, it makes you an asshole.
The thing you need to remember in all this, women allow you to get away with asshole behaviour and if we didn’t then the world would be a better place.
Human beings have an inbuilt need to be loved. But nowadays guys don’t seem to be looking for love, they are looking for girls to fuck.
(I accept that some guys are still looking for love, and not everyone wants to be a player. I also accept that some women are just as bad, it still isn’t right.)
A lot of men are looking for women to send them photos to wank off to whilst their girlfriends are out the room.
They want to string you along with promises they never have any intention of keeping. Or throw you a bone here and there to keep up with the pretence.
Nothing gives you more of a mind fuck than messaging. This is when the torture really starts.
Because from the point of view of the person waiting for the call or message you have no fucking clue what is happening.
One minute the guy is all over you, he can’t get enough of you. The next minute you never know if you’re going to get a reply or not.
How long you should reasonably expect to wait for said reply?
From your point of view nothing has changed. You carry on as you always did. But the game has changed and along with it the rules. Only you didn’t get that memo because your still in the back up game, using an outdated set of rules.
So it goes on, your messages start getting answered and you start getting attention again. So you think to yourself, ok he changed his mind. Things are back to what they were. Then the messages stop again.
In hindsight that is when I should have walked. Just took myself out of the game and saved myself.
I didn’t because as much as I enjoyed the other attention I was in it because of my friendship with the guy. That was always the important part to me.
I was a grown up making my own decisions and I wasn’t forced into any of it. At times I was mislead as to what we were doing, because he wasn’t being totally honest but I made the choice to continue.
I made the choice to ignore the things I didn’t like, we all make mistakes and there is no point hanging onto them and punishing someone for them when you resolved them.
I had no idea how things would turn out, had I have known we would end up as strangers I would have made a lot of different choices.
If I’d known one day he’d turn around and say he never wanted any of it, even though he chased me in the beginning, made promises and contacted me of his own free will, yet somehow still made it all my fault, I’d have done things differently.
I became a horrible evil person who gave up my time to share myself with someone, only for them to completely hate me for it. How ridiculous is that?
So think long and hard before you pick a ‘side chick’. If you have one girl, be grateful for that.
Treat her well and she will willingly give you want you want in return. Treat her like she’s an option or a pawn in your game and you give her no incentive to give you her best.
If a girl gives you her best, treasure that. You may never find anyone who will care for you in the same way again.
If you fuck a girl over you could be ruining her for every relationship she ever has in the future. If she even decides to put herself through all that shit again.
Yes girls are fucked up. They get fucked up by life. By the experiences that have happened to them.
By treating women like shit you aren’t helping the situation you are making it worse.
If you don’t want women to be crazy on you treat them right. Be honest with them. TALK to them because really that’s all we want. We want you to talk to us. We like talking. Tell us anything, what you had for breakfast, whatever but let us see a bit of the real you and things will be a lot easier.
If you have no interest in keeping a promise to someone, you have no right in making it. If you are making a promise to get someone to sleep with you then you are an asshole and a child.
If you have to trick someone into sleeping with you then really you need to be addressing your game. No one wants to be with that asshole.
Don’t spend your life screwing up one girl after another and moving on moaning how its everyone else’s fault but your own that women freak out on you.
A child blames their actions on someone else, when they can’t deal with the way they treated someone, they have to make it the other persons fault.
A child uses women to make themself feel good. They measure their success on how many women will jump when they click their fingers.
They have multiple women because they can’t bear to be alone. They hide behind the attention they get and when they get bored find someone else and don’t care that they hurt people along the way.
That all sounds fun when you’re young, you never have to give a second thought to the girls you ditch along the way but one day you grow up and realise there was no need for any of it.
A real man owns his mistakes and apologizes for them. A real man treats women with respect and doesn’t need to play games.
A real man realises what a good thing he has when he has it and doesn’t let that go because he is too scared of what might happen if he really allowed himself to give it a chance.
A real man doesn’t need a ‘side chick’ because he chooses the women in his life carefully. He doesn’t waste his time on games.
He gives his best to a woman and in return he gets the best from her and when it doesn’t work out they move on like adults because they know they both gave it their best shot and they have no regrets.
Guys just a note, if a girl tells you she brought some sexy underwear to impress you, understand that girls don’t go to the expense of buying matching sexy underwear for just anyone. It’s bloody expensive!
She most probably brought it to see what it looked like on your floor after your eyes popped out ogling her in it. The least you could do is buy her dinner and take it for a spin if you know what I mean 😉